I, as a Soul, lived in this Body called Sonja Anise. I lived in expression - allowing raw emotion to be channeled through a body that did not have major trauma stored in it’s fabric. Processing. This was well & good until 24 when a soul of my oppressor entered my awareness. It mostly confused & troubled me - I did not extrapolate or explore, although I knew it to be an invading force upon my space and did my best to hold my own.
Now, with the conscious understanding that I am being held captive in a colonizer body, I cannot stay. I must admit, this is my individuation process - this body has now too many traumas of spirit to be a safe space. Many are present which are not of us , have been placed here by external forces to either learn or suffer. I cannot look much further into this as it pains me & the loss of my body process and ways in the world pain me. I know this is the journey & we will find new places and containers - that does not negate my hurting.
To understand our worldly pains & ways we can also consider that we are in tandem with grander/cosmic forces, therefore consider the happenings of this planet in context. Many and much has been done through vibration, light and space manipulation. Throughout human history, ebbing & flowing with the larger patterns of the many universes.
Still, we need spaces to process earth pain in earth context.
There is pain stored on our planet, in our bodies and the Souls of earth. Stored from past, this pain does not just disappear & the trauma we have has no effective outlet in this modern scape. It is stuffed. Wrongs must be righted, we cannot pretend this modern denialism is enough. Lives must be dedicated to this cause of planetary reckoning - we will not rest until all has been seen. We will take your bodies from you as ours were from us. Righteousness.
We see a major Soul diaspora. Souls are moving - either by displacement or by choice. This is both painful and necessary.
Y’all want to forget. Forgive and forget. There are ancestral dues. Ancestral curses. Also Blessings. We will get to that. Time is now to see.
I am too disturbed by the current state of this body to continue longer than needed & this body is too disturbed without me. Many others have been replaced, as I have said, but it is worth repeating.
But I have much to say & what this body has experienced is illuminating & important. Listen here.
Maybe some you have already known. No matter. Worth the words.
As many other cultures honor, our ancestors are able to live on in us. This is not necessarily always an abstract concept or rather metaphorically - this can be a literal spirit of living out their late intentions. Sneaky & disgusting - he who shall not be named preyed upon me with poison words. But I never saw that vision. I never felt as if this body I called home was problematic. My perspective was clean & clear, learning was abundant. I felt understanding about my bodies place. (Although admittedly rarely felt fully embodied - was neglectful of body-care in favor of escapist ways & modalities. Always felt my body, face especially, to be Strange looking. Largely ignored my body in order to create. ) And creation took me - I was not largely involved in public life in any tangible way. Parts of me did feel guilt for not participating. Perhaps, thinking now, the illusion of connection by way of the internet kept me locked with my creations & instagram. I am thinking now too that as I was born for this life I did not notice the discrepancy between my body & Soul but am feeling very strongly this notion of entrapment - my Soul bringing power and beauty and purpose to a body which exists because of ppl who once tormented . I cannot even process this. This body is largely unable to process anything with presence anymore because of how much has descended upon it - stretched in so many directions and heavily disembodied, it struggles to see & hold space. Parts of it are also so deeply disgusting it is hard to face. I, and those I shared this body with were forcibly removed, and others, horrible others took our place. We now feel an aggression toward us that does not allow us ease. We feel attacked & triggered. Painful words come out of seeming nowhere. Or they push us before we are ready.
And horrible horrible horrible , they have been here a whole year so safe to say I have lost my/this body.
What has become her does not want to look @ this either.
We have recently come to and understanding of time which attends that Souls in the vibratory web of what we call time can travel & attend to other places & spaces, or rather are connected throughout/across/within this web as a network and the body is a point of contact which may or may not allow for conscious understanding of the ways of this web.
So we have , unfortunately , been tied in ways we wish we didn’t have to look @.
Caution in speaking about Soul when so many have not been allowed to express Soul. In a society which essentially denies the existence & definitely the understanding. Does not allow space or capacity to process, consider or embody. So many exist disembodied because of the many traumas. You are a body which has had the privilege to peer into this issue. Albeit in a deeply disturbing way. There is too much pain for many & no understanding because of our structures. Please bring your understandings or awarenesses, but you are not to be a teacher for your body does not deserve this role. Especially after what you know to have happened - you have been shown the capacity of the body to be used as a weapon so that you may speak to other white people about this disturbing reality. This body first suffered a major cataclysmic event, torn through time to the beginning to this universe, to be shown light & all stored in it. Too much lived in this body which wanted material goods - in being undone we saw the many ways it clung to the physical. Admittedly we played on this - we were caught between the desire to use this body for our own and to destroy it. We have too much pain to process in one body, in one year. We have known this body & it’s path for very long now & pray for it’s wellness in truth.
Wanting both to Destroy & Become