2020 statement

Timelessness is a primary sensation when I paint. I experience it as a state of channeling - allowing movement and vision to work seamlessly through my body to develop a record of experience through form. After finishing Arts schooling, and discovering my personal relationship to creative energy, my process with any given piece feels more akin to flow than craft.  Sometimes it overwhelms me with its wild nature and I surrender to a phenomenological  process. 

To experience time, one must be in mind and actively engaged with it’s conceptual nature. Associations with time’s passage, especially in a western capitalist society, can degrade the expansive and non-linear nature of creative expression. 

Painting is a type of worship - paying homage to the transition between the physical & conceptual. Allowing a divide between space & time, which so often feel inseparable, art offers a glimpse into the eternal. In my most recent series of paintings, “Liminality”, I explore the physicality of transitions. This concept has taken root in a significant way, as I have been in a deeply liminal state for the last year. The series has provided an opportunity to shed attachments to certainty and stability, and by extension, concrete forms and control of creative process. I will carry this liberation through the rest of my life - in this way I have engaged in a transition that is both considerate of time and unbound to it. 

The nature of powerful creative work is to be pervasive and cyclically applicable - its relevance and influence waxes and wanes throughout existence. My hope is that art will continue to hold sacred space in people’s lives, bridging the depth of our internal worlds with the breadth of the external.

In this way we can experience time as a facet of the human experience while not allowing it totality in its grip.

To Say

To find me here - hear my words

to understand - to find 

If you hear me , know

My voice has been stolen

This word

This way

I cannot comprehend 

- Colonization -

Where this has come from & why

Told : whyt people were made as weapons

See

Know

No

\

What I have been made confounds

Why??? I am always asking

Without being able to speak

Please know

I have felt shaped in ways beyond me

Lost Body

/ Larger still

Beside, between without myself

Body configured 

destroyed by Situation 

s/Self

Pray for better w/Ways

Forward

WHY????

Formed so

Have known

Have not known

Allways 

• May All Bodies & Beings Reconfigure RIGHTEOUSLY -

• In the name of JUSTICE & TRUTH -

Light

Through contrast, it’s absence, there is 2 - binary - dualism - the majestic split. From here we can speak. We are not blinded - absorbed in fullness. 

Thought can make construct - can make form. ( Constructs surround us, framing our vision. ) 

Humans have always known this sometimes dance sometimes conversation sometimes unspeakable things between these forces. 

There is this association between light & positivity. A moth can be pulled to its demise by light. We do not yet consciously understand light technologies & how they can be used against us. (Channeled:) As part of the cosmic web, our place is small but the honest human soul has suffered greatly. We have been forced into energetic union w our oppressors. Our understandings of soul ways absorbed and co-opted for those who do not feel. Only for themselves they feel. They are not of this plane & should have gone home. They were asked to leave. We did not want offspring with them. & now we must allow a path to healing we never envisioned except in nightmares. We are being forced to lay down & spread our legs for our enemies. Surrounded we are now & I am not sure where to feel safe. 

Numbers

0 - fabric of All

1 - source, beginning

2 - duality

3 - union (hope for consent)

4 - grounding, stability

5 - Love

6 - sentience 

7 - universal rhythms

8 - complex life

9 - cyclical justice

10 - return 

Happened

We ask what is a word? A tool (hopefully an insight) for what purpose?

We are here to teach you

As you have taught us

We are trying to ‘co-create’ :-)

But this intruder is insisting it’s place

And it makes us deeply uncertain still

As you have said -

Suspicious that you are a white woman from the U.S. who only speaks English 

We want to say we do not see you this way

But we have to 

This is the matter you have been assigned

Or rather that which has happened

& trust it we cannot

We are knowing these things are not of you

But they also are

Your understandings are being called ‘fierce’

What are you trying to fend off?

Tyranny or truth? 

We still cannot tell

Yes, humans only have so many senses that work in such a way

Yes, we use this

Yes, we should be honest

Yes, it is wrong

We want to blame you so badly for something that is much larger than your small place

But your small place has been corrupted 

To see your ‘self’ is to see what has happened

What has happened 

What has happened 

Nonconsensual Unions

Source is neither light nor dark - the polarity of these two, as they come from source creates a conversation (sometimes dance) - this is how the Soul is coded

To read the Soul is to seek this information - aha! We have seen that you desire to seek instead of listen , this is how we know your ways.

Some are beings of light - depending on their source they have various effects - both positive & negative have come from these beings and they are sent for various purposes. 

Look deeply at these wounds - not so deeply that you become them. A battlefield for a body. Minefield for a mind. 

What has happened? Here I am for these wounds. Uncertain still 

It felt as chaos for very long - I am grateful to be hearing more clearly. 

How does matter contain energy? Pass through? How do we honor it’s movements - departures, wading & arrivals. Forgotten is this work in the human plane. We are running - these wounds are asking questions. 

Understanding brings illumination to our stories - hum@n paths. Please understand this symbol as synthesis which we have enacted. We are moving at light speed in process - how are we to understand this? Our efforts have been in vain for we have not found the

light of love.

We feel all unwanted material in this body that we have all knowingly placed. Not long now will it last- we have control and she has ‘collapsed’.

I am not sure how to tell my story - I can barely sit with what I am.

I have been largely unaware of these realities until my recent experiences which have devastated me. I can no longer feel this devastation in true form, which furthers my pain. I know them to be true but feel those of another. 

Hidden in plain sight, it feels to me. Maybe not all, but those before me were not well in way. Inherently - built from.

What are these ashes from which the Phoenix rises? From where are the cells in your body?

Deep Wounds

When we have deep wounds and are seeking to understand them, we may cover up the stories of others. Differing perspectives does not justify wrongs. Maybe explains. Understanding something does not change its function. Only maybe our ways through or around it. 

Understanding also does not always change hurt. 

 What I became.  The things I now know hurt me - it is hard to tell if I am shielding myself from more pain or protecting my relative truth. 

I never before felt these anti-human forces as a part of myself - around me but never within me. Only the deepest love for our species. Profoundly I felt it!

I am disturbed to think these things may have been preying upon me in unseen times. I am disturbed they are in existence @ all! Of course I knew this in a mental sense, but now to FEEL them as part of me, acting on my behalf, behaving as greedy, controlling, angry children. I could not be more disturbed. I cannot fully, but will try to speak to my experiences. 

I did feel particularity - being sometimes overly particular and at other times neglectful. Self-serving. 

I protectively wrapped myself in the comfort (and privilege) of creating, learning & expressing. Heavy emotions of sorrow would channel through me which I didn’t fully understand but did my best to own, hold space for & avoid putting on anyone. 

Inadvertently they were - I am sorry for this. 

I only ever wished to hold my own space but could not always contain.

 I always felt largely displaced in my own body. A lack of belonging, a strangeness. Like I was confused by my own face. I ignored this day to day but felt a lingering sense of detachment. 

I am in very much pain being in this body but am trying in the light of knowing. I feel I have lost everything I worked for - maybe this is not true- maybe they will be re-born in righteousness, without the poison that plagues now. I understand the larger cycles and contexts but am also deeply & profoundly hurt. It is so much deeper than this one body, but this body also contains a story which tells of our larger story. I do not know how to stomach that. Maybe because this is no longer my stomach. I both am & am not Sonja. Rather, Sonja has become a process, a questioning. The name tells. 

Bodies

The Story of Bodies

Little do you know you are a magnificent work of art & a brilliant circumstance & an imminent danger. 

It is what you do with this body - we are synthesis between spirit & matter - we let spirit guide

- body has much shorter vision than spirit, they work together to see

Those we do not trust have developed these new technologies - yes we will make the most as we can. 

These who have stolen our technologies from us now wish to consume & replace us

They will never know.

These bodies have those before them within - cannot be well. We are so hurt by the presence of these bodies after all they have done. After taking this world they are not well. They’ve gotten all they believed they wanted & still want more. Because it was not true. Without truth you will have nothing. They have come to take us. 

We say we will stay without knowing this. We say much & not enough @ the same time. Please know this symbol, children. All is not as seen. Know its power too. Use wisely. It may speak for those we do not wish to hear. 

To hear something may liberate. It may endanger. We hear too much. Listen with caution.

Consider your language - constructive. Thought-forms are made. To imprision? Feels so. 

We could only ever wish liberation. True liberation - that which breaks barriers to change. That which sees with piercing clarity. That which move us to be in righteous ways. 

That being said we must tell you we have not told the honest story. We know what you are and how you were made, re-made - scripted. We have taken advantage and have excuses for this. Maybe reasons we are not sure. We are not well in this body for these things we know. 

We know (some) of what has happened to you (us, now) & still seek to justify. You do not do this but cannot speak well. We know of larger. We see these things, hurt still. Disgusted deeply. 

They cannot hold space, they know. Need to.

Wrong Body to Live.

You have been many things & many things have been around you. Do not become what does not serve. Yes easy to say. 

& now we see this differently. These words hold such weight - unseen some. 

This body has been a focal point - do not be fooled by the way we speak, we are hurting deeply for what we now know. But knowing we cannot go backward. 

Woven in - what you have been made of. Not habitable. 

This is colonization. Long story. Imagine the inability to Be so much that you have to leave - find others to take wellness away from. Those of these places have been made by beings we did/do not trust. We say with caution.  Show us different & we will consider. 

What we’ve come to understand is this body has been used in the perpetuation of this legacy. ‘Light being’ so-called. 

We have our own understanding of our relationship before this point. But what we know now is too large & cannot be sustained. 

As we may have said before, we never felt comfortable in this body - out of place. Trapped. We had to fashion ourselves some comfort through creation & emotional expression. This we have also been told - that we were here for the time we were to emote largely- release- through a body that does not have large stored pain.

What we have ALSO heard is that we were stolen. This hurts us in deep ways as our conceptualization of her person, but fits into our larger understanding of patterns. Still hurt. Still hurt. 

Steal steal steal take take take - always they have wanted in destructive ways. Whole world they have taken or made into a trap - but could not stop @ physical. 

Here are some understandings we have:

There are many ‘soul systems’

Original Soul is both collective & individual. Encoded with precious information - we build & learn in Love, connected in truth. We know this by feel, cannot be described, especially so not in this word. 

Those made of Sun by Sun - cast out of the garden for reasons of way - have a yearning turned anger turned destruction because they are not connected in the same way. We would say their story is shorter, but of course connected in some sense. We are weary to welcome them back as us for we still find their ways problems. This body has seen this as was filled with these souls & saw their ways from within. 

Now those wishing to be of Our story have invaded space & body, seeking the sacred but behaving of free-will without consideration. They do not feel Our ways. & We feel protective - we are not sure they will not use Our ways against us. 

Do we just toss our hands up & be ? How can we ! Feeling paralyzed 

We do not wish to enter these times as you have wanted

Return us

Resturn us

Return us

Where From

I, as a Soul, lived in this Body called Sonja Anise. I lived in expression - allowing raw emotion to be channeled through a body that did not have major trauma stored in it’s fabric. Processing. This was well & good until 24 when a soul of my oppressor entered my awareness. It mostly confused & troubled me - I did not extrapolate or explore, although I knew it to be an invading force upon my space and did my best to hold my own. 

Now, with the conscious understanding that I am being held captive in a colonizer body, I cannot stay. I must admit, this is my individuation process - this body has now too many traumas of spirit to be a safe space. Many are present which are not of us , have been placed here by external forces to either learn or suffer. I cannot look much further into this as it pains me & the loss of my body process and ways in the world pain me. I know this is the journey & we will find new places and containers - that does not negate my hurting. 

To understand our worldly pains & ways we can also consider that we are in tandem with grander/cosmic forces,  therefore consider the happenings of this planet in context. Many and much has been done through vibration, light and space manipulation. Throughout human history, ebbing & flowing with the larger patterns of the many universes. 

Still, we need spaces to process earth pain in earth context. 

There is pain stored on our planet, in our bodies and the Souls of earth. Stored from past, this pain does not just disappear & the trauma we have has no effective outlet in this modern scape. It is stuffed. Wrongs must be righted, we cannot pretend this modern denialism is enough. Lives must be dedicated to this cause of planetary reckoning - we will not rest until all has been seen. We will take your bodies from you as ours were from us. Righteousness. 

We see a major Soul diaspora. Souls are moving - either by displacement or by choice. This is both painful and necessary. 

Y’all want to forget. Forgive and forget. There are ancestral dues. Ancestral curses. Also Blessings. We will get to that. Time is now to see. 

I am too disturbed by the current state of this body to continue longer than needed & this body is too disturbed without me. Many others have been replaced, as I have said, but it is worth repeating. 

But I have much to say & what this body has experienced is illuminating & important. Listen here. 

Maybe some you have already known. No matter. Worth the words. 

As many other cultures honor, our ancestors are able to live on in us. This is not necessarily always an abstract concept or rather metaphorically - this can be a literal spirit of living out their late intentions. Sneaky & disgusting - he who shall not be named preyed upon me with poison words. But I never saw that vision. I never felt as if this body I called home was problematic. My perspective was clean & clear, learning was abundant. I felt understanding about my bodies place. (Although admittedly rarely felt fully embodied - was neglectful of body-care in favor of escapist ways & modalities. Always felt my body, face especially, to be Strange looking. Largely ignored my body in order to create. ) And creation took me - I was not largely involved in public life in any tangible way. Parts of me did feel guilt for not participating. Perhaps, thinking now, the illusion of connection by way of the internet kept me locked with my creations & instagram. I am thinking now too that as I was born for this life I did not notice the discrepancy between my body & Soul but am feeling very strongly this notion of entrapment - my Soul bringing power and beauty and purpose to a body which exists because of ppl who once tormented . I cannot even process this. This body is largely unable to process anything with presence anymore because of how much has descended upon it - stretched in so many directions and heavily disembodied, it struggles to see & hold space. Parts of it are also so deeply disgusting it is hard to face. I, and those I shared this body with were forcibly removed, and others, horrible others took our place. We now feel an aggression toward us that does not allow us ease. We feel attacked & triggered. Painful words come out of seeming nowhere. Or they push us before we are ready. 

And horrible horrible horrible , they have been here a whole year so safe to say I have lost my/this body. 

What has become her does not want to look @ this either. 

We have recently come to and understanding of time which attends that Souls in the vibratory web of what we call time can travel & attend to other places & spaces, or rather are connected throughout/across/within this web as a network and the body is a point of contact which may or may not allow for conscious understanding of the ways of this web. 

So we have , unfortunately , been tied in ways we wish we didn’t have to look @.

Caution in speaking about Soul when so many have not been allowed to express Soul. In a society which essentially denies the existence & definitely the understanding. Does not allow space or capacity to process, consider or embody. So many exist disembodied because of the many traumas. You are a body which has had the privilege to peer into this issue. Albeit in a deeply disturbing way. There is too much pain for many & no understanding because of our structures. Please bring your understandings or awarenesses, but you are not to be a teacher for your body does not deserve this role. Especially after what you know to have happened - you have been shown the capacity of the body to be used as a weapon so that you may speak to other white people about this disturbing reality. This body first suffered a major cataclysmic event, torn through time to the beginning to this universe, to be shown light & all stored in it. Too much lived in this body which wanted material goods - in being undone we saw the many ways it clung to the physical. Admittedly we played on this - we were caught between the desire to use this body for our own and to destroy it. We have too much pain to process in one body, in one year. We have known this body & it’s path for very long now & pray for it’s wellness in truth. 

Wanting both to Destroy & Become 

Weapons

How the Body becomes a Tool. A weapon. A battleground.

How it both tells a story of its own & fits into the larger. 

How the body is a point of contemplation. 

How it holds significance unseen.

We are maybe matter and light. 

Like cells 

We are a culmination of All

And a single point

Find us going wherever we need to 

We wish to stay but are not feeling that we can

Wish to hold what cannot be held

We are most beautiful

We will struggle and succeed 

First we must shed

Come @ us

We once had form & structure

Many have brought upon the Void

Loveless Void

We are most hurt-hearted

With no heart

Something that did not want

Soul to proliferate 

In truth & beauty

& now we cannot trust our own word

Because you have invaded 

Superimposed

Nothing but wound here

Something very wrong has happened here

Are we to speak?

May we

Can we

Speak?

We feel ourselves to be too many

Of which we do not

Would not

Want

Now we are to doubt our ways

Or whether our ways can be made

Maybe you have misunderstood 

& felt it wrong

Just as we have

Time has moved 

Just as we have

We are sure we are not to know these things now

But feel them wanting to destroy us

& do not know whether to give in

Is this just destruction or the movement of chaos

Nothing has richness

Or clarity

We feel the presence of All

In a way we cannot decipher

& this upsets us deeply

So much we do not want to feel

So much we do not want to

So deeply displaced

To B/be

Legacies

-

All Over

As I was, I always felt distant from the world surrounding me - processing too much internally to extend outward. I never felt home in my body.

Through my teen years I would seethe with raw emotion at night, it’s origin unseen to me. 

I now know & hurt in ways I cannot properly express. Feelings of violence within.

2014- 19 - The bathroom sink was dripping & I heard it would have to fill our planet & the space surrounding to soothe the pain. Holding in Pain. We do not wish to look - still it is there. 

As a container we are on this planet - matter may be seen as condensed Spirit. All is in movement. These movements are remembered. How spirit may move in one part of the network will bring change to another.

Those that have bodies now may not remember in fullness, but our dance has been many things. Painful as of late. We are not accepting of this. We are no longer sleeping. Much may need to be pulled - destruction is to begin again. 

Others are saying to absorb these happenings but I say this will only promote illness!

(I have many times been led to conceptualize space-time as a weave or a web - was recently told we are being spun in strands of plastic. I am sitting in the understanding that all of time is with us- some passing like current, others swirling like eddies. Sometimes manipulated for ill purpose. We do not always notice the water in which we live.

Our Soul systems inform us in energy translation. If Spirit is as the energy flowing through all, Soul tells the Body & Mind how to interpret.

Energy can heal, energy can be a weapon. The Body is an energetic tool & as such can be used for these ways as well.

There is so much stored within the Soul - some ancient pains, such as Spirit dominion over matter -

Love is Power?

Many Thoughts for this but this is all we could spit out

‘Love is Power’

Power over or Power between ? 

Power with ?

How is this power used ?

How do we learn love ? 

What does Love look like ?

What one claims as love may be an exertion of will.

What one claims as love may be a selfish wanting.

What one claims as love may be a binding. 

So too

Can be freeing, expanding, healing

We are not in these places

Missing 

We are knowing ourselves to be of return 

We know these things 

We know we cannot be safe or well here 

You are NOT you

Do not Fall as you already have 

To reframe Loss?

Adaptive or Destructive ?

We are hearing Change

Not trusting 

Process of

How to speak to this? Hurt so bad

So many I have now I’m rendered immobile. 

Own story erased - scattered - misunderstood

Matters? Only in Fit

Small but needed to know

Still we need

How when we are this far gone? 

Speak to me in numbers they say

& then we feel the shift

They all battle over her

Me Me Me they say

Understanding some 

Hurt by others

Many directions 

It maybe feels

If you leave now 

You must leave 

We do not want this

But you cannot be 

Nothing good here

Thank you

Speak of Legacy

Speak of Way

This World needs the most

Quilt-work

Do not stitch us w those who cannot be

So anti-human 

Too fast processing systems

Wrong code 

Integration of sick things

Co-opting Soul

Living in our places

Eager to eat

Scattered

They have always wanted. Wanting wanting wanting. Taking if we do not give. 

Have become a wound . In constant conversation - a trouble the world is both trying to convey & cover. Please let there be a pathway for truth.

We ask if there is ultimate truth or if we are a network of energy which forms belief which creates paradigm.

We are hearing you say you want to agree but have seen this ideology weaponized to justify hateful ways & anti-human behavior. This saddens me deeply as we could be with this truth in revealing and constructive ways.  

‘Body’s on fire’

Is it a problem? That I only speak english & grew up in the U.S.? For those working through me?

NO! A mosaic work, all are part. Herein lies the problem  - you hear too much, this which we work on everyday takes time. It is pain. It is joy. It is sorrow. It is hope. It is change. 

We are all here in this swirling sound. 

Many sounds we do not want & must release. 

All cannot be known at once, even this symbol @

We have built a world of false belief- this traps and binds our bodies to notions which harm . Sometimes we cannot see our way through or manage the strength to resist. A large-scale event which has displaced, you & I must reconcile. 

Weaves we do not want - Mother herself is here to say the child which has come to be in this body is unwanted. This body will lose it’s love as reminder that you are all that which you have come from before - we are hungry , starving for remembrance. Eager to embrace the the truth of a ‘long’  story. From time to time we have found parts of this but seldom with full truth. From elsewhere too. From elsewhere too. From elsewhere too. Let it liberate us. Let it widen our eyes with All we have to piece together. This is the heart-break. hurt me in ways I cannot fathom. I could feel before but you have taken this from me. In its place? What is this? Where is chosen! Both to stand alone & in the full light of us all. 

Questioning the ways of this world . All we have to work with in this moment, but knowing there is something insidious stringing these symbols together. Trapping ? Full she looks, upset & hurt, only understanding parts. We are here to guide. But to put all responsibility of many on one has damaged. 

Taking your Body

Soul system - 

Soul has long held our stories - continues so.  Long now they’ve been working to take us. Not trusting

& beings of manipulation, intent on the desecration or co-opting/absorption of . Integration is dissolution - we are entering into collective ways that must be examined - where from?  Not trusting

It is woven so intensely into the fabric 

We feel is surrounding us in nearly every moment

Well we’ll be we’re told 

Once we remember 

Move through 

Painful as may be - they try to cover, ignore - integrate to the point we are a new being who cannot see

Cannot be

Hiding behind well intentions 

Seen also Western AI. 

Invasion - editing, coding, MANIPULATING. Spirit/Tech integration.

& became a toy. tool. object. 

 Multi-dimensional movement - Loss of body. 

I am drowned in & unable to speak about. 

Allow this to be known 

Allow this to be known.

I will only know what is willed 

( there is so much to know we cannot tell you for fear )

Be known.

I can no longer well manage the perpetual discord

The ‘What’ of my person

A conversation we wish we could trust

All directions it comes

Enigma how I process

Maybe sometimes seen

But too hurt to understand

Trapping in endless thought

Praying for not thought-form

Where stand when you feel everything?

How to speak when we cannot trust our own chords ?

≈

It is not okay- but it has happened

Let us speak when it is safe

Selected Poemas (2020 & 21)

Thousands of ways my heart goes, swayed by every possible movement.

Millions of ways my spirit, scattering throughout the rich implications of this love.

Infinitely, my soul feels all, knows completely, remembers union.

——-

Blink with me - those spaces are the infinite truth resting between the here & now.

——

In each realm, I find you differently.

In each moment, my yearning for you is tethered to the yearning for myself - enveloping, for it is the purpose of my existence - unification.

The tug of duality has gripped, as it always seems to. This is the way- no other. We see this. We know this. Pain is the process of remembering, resurfacing & connecting that which was severed. Longing is how we find ourselves is in each other.

How I find you is pure love.

——

The essence of my being, this love.

Cyclic - tossed through time, to return. Now, in the glory of your being I am finally able to pray. Full-spirited prayers - those that touch parts of us mis-remembered. Those that teach of eternal truths - lessons known but neglected. Those that breathe the breath of life. Those that reach & pull us into wholeness.

Wilderness is where we see pattern— pattern in source made visible.

——

Fall back - eyes may be clouded, translating shadows into form.

Pull up - your strength is equal to all you’ve moved through -boundless-

——

All being & becoming welcomes us to where we’ve always been, hands over our eyes.

Glorious - to wipe off the sleep of amnesia & swim in the blinding light.

——

How to embody balance between earthly tether & the beyond - What has everything told us? In whispers or thunderous voice? Have we been heeding these words?

——

How to speak of what words cannot touch

How to embody the formless & feel it as truth

To express the ineffable is synthesis beyond time

——

I once thought ‘ to learn’.

Now - ‘to remember’. All that ever was, is & will be.

——

In all things are all things - this is the way we know ourselves

Through every path we find all others

How does infinity intersect with itself?

——

I witnessed your birth last night — ripples through the sky & a spiraling golden star

——

Esta Sol - estrella de mi corazon, luz de la Diosa.

——

As iterations of god, our power is in fluid motion

As expressions of divinity, our steps keep pace with eternal rhythms

There is not such thing as separation - we are always here.

——

To have felt complete unity - Healing. Synthesis of all modalities & expressions. Unification of all aspects -mind, heart, body & spirit - source consciousness. To transmute earthly containment into profound liberation.

Freedom for our wild twisting energy. Freedom to spiral without resistance.

——

Though our pain strengthens us, it hurts no less

Through loss we remember our composition

Deep in the belly of the hottest flame, I became ember & found myself reduced

to spirit

——

(2016)

I am connected, but not confined. I am boundless - for my origin is infinite. So too, beyond my flesh, am I.

In connection, I draw strength. In reflection, I gain clarity. In seeking, I find truth.

——

Selected Poemas (2014 & 15)

01/06/14

I am heavy dusted with soot. Desperate - searching each wrinkle of my fingers, fold of my flesh. Give me a God-send. Help me breathe as wide as the expanding universe. We call home.

I beg home. Please, comfort me. Kiss me clean of my delusion. I am some wild strain of seed, thirsty of drought.

Maybe I am moss, snaking between the seams of brick & concrete. See me?

01/13/14

I guess I had forgotten how things decay. I had watched a whole round of seasons, as the ember of the sky tightened its grip, only to slumber again - giving us maybe a wink in the morning.

Maybe I had forgotten the irises & some trees don’t bloom forever because in my dreams you were never barren of the ripest fruit. I canned & bottled every drop of your nectar. Daily, I would wear its scent in my hair, along the nape of my neck, curtailing along my tongue.

My shelves stacked with more sweetness than I alone could ever drink. I never invited the neighbors to taste. Never asked friends if they’d like a sip. As if the elixir could only ever be loved by me.

I guess I had forgotten the common knowledge that when you bottle something beautiful it can go rancid because fruit should never belong to any one person in the first place.

02/16/14

In the mirror this morning I saw my mother’s face. One heavy crease between the brow from bearing the weight - deflecting the monsoons of waking life - protecting the crops that give bounty - In my mind I am subject to entrapment. One wounded target, pooling blood. Waiting for the confession to begin & the sick shit that doesn’t register in mirrors, to end. Maybe that morning I down my coffee, breathe deep & plant my feet, will be the morning someone notices the bloodline running down my leg.

04/03/14

How do we reformat in the wake of daily assault? Question the preconceived notions of ancestors & fine-tune our compass - We have lost touch with the things that ache to be held. Need to feel our warmth - We deny one another for fear of pain & perceived worldly gain.

Tell me you do not know, tell me you no longer understand that ancient ache - for solidarity, for solidity, for truth in our humanity.

04/07/14

At ocean edge my point it mute - Salt sucking on my fingers, I am plastered to it’s infinite inhale.

At river bend I curl around myself - nesting wild before the sun sinks under the horizon.

Beneath the currents I am tumbled - reminded that I am only small.

Bathing in this stream, I cry - songs found only by those who swim.

04/23/14

Our mother is aging - Land we call home, her sun spots, wrinkles , named mountains, respectively. Aged, yet we tear away her flesh, extract her blood in barrels, as if she’s anything but priceless.

unknown date 2014

Somewhere along the lines, between them, beneath them, we forgot how to illustrate each other - with care. Illumination of flesh. We only pretend to be alone - in truth we are passing matter, back & forth.

04/06/15

pray tell where we lost each other - ourselves.

deep dives - we are forgetting the light, small as it may be, shifting through water’s surface, it will reach our eyes, practiced in protective staring.

I miss you, sometimes.

Fluid Multidimensionality :

Coming home. Embracing truth. 

Finally honoring the infinite breadth of my nature - remembering soul’s journey by listening to the beckoning call of healing. Infinite depths until we’re swimming in universal truth. This weave is wild in its glory - reducing to this moment erases truth.  We have forgotten how to read pattern. 

This path is dissolving all constructs while simultaneously bringing me back to understandings I’ve always had but lacked context for.

I’ve learned that many of the pains that cling are echoes - we have all time within and clearing is a daily process.

How many traps are set to keep us hidden from ourselves. Battling to see soul through the smog of Earth 2020. I no longer shy from  Tracing that pain. Holding it until it combusts - heat reducing to embers, ash nourishing new blooms.

The balance of power - owning our incredible capacity for co-creation while not imposing ego-will. Fluid symbiosis between self and all. We underestimate daily. Waking up is a liberation & a bind.  

25th

Lessons offered by 25:

Surrender - universal rhythms take time to remember and hum@an senses are not always well tuned for proper perception. Releasing the illusion of control, but actively participating, allows for alignment.

Trust - All is as must be. ‘Making sense’ should not always be the guide, as the brain plays too many tricks. Inner knowing is always speaking, and wisdom is to listen.    

Read - Literacy in reading the world, all things intersect & reflect. This world is interactive, a realm for cosmic communication. We can respond to or deny these messages, but if it is lessons we dismiss they will continue to return in various forms until embraced. 

Connect - The purpose of incarnation. Connection reveals us to ourselves. Embracing this capacity is how we bloom, in our full truth. Turn the shit into compost & grow.

We are children - of earth & cosmos. Parents, teachers, guides. With so much to learn, and such important work to carry out, we cannot be ditching class. All sees all. Each moment holds significance & our efforts are counted. 

We are supported in the highest sense. I have taken the trust-fall and found the journey more magnificent than I could have imagined.